Seeking Permission...

After reading the below article in the Daily Mail, I felt it was my time to share with you my tips for great sex when retired.

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2231392/Hilary-Boyds-novel-Thursdays-Park-version-Fifty-Shades-Grey-60s-e-book-sensation.html

 

In relationships we seek ‘permission’ for sexual pleasure from our partner both consciously, and at a subconscious level. The loss of a spouse or the breakdown of a relationship can make it extremely difficult to enjoy guilt-free sexual experiences, it is far more common in women of retirement age. If you are single it can be even more of a challenge to put yourself at ease and grant yourself this permission. 

It is said that the mind is the most important sexual organ for good reason. If you hang on to the residue of guilt following the grief of losing a partner or a messy breakup of a long-term relationship, then both your ability to form intimate relationships, and the way that you connect with yourself will be affected. It can be helpful to follow a simple self-focus exercise to rebuild your self-confidence and reconnect with your sexuality:

Step 1: Make sure that you won’t be disturbed, run yourself a hot bath, light some scented candles and enjoy the sensation of the water and bath oils on your skin – this is your time. 

Step 2: Touch yourself non-sexually, try using moisturiser and enjoy the sensation of caressing yourself. Focus your energies inward, breathe slowly and deeply, let yourself unwind – don’t fall asleep now – relax, feel yourself unwinding – don’t get peckish and be tempted to try and operate a toaster from the tub – after twenty minutes, or at the point that your fingers look like crinkle cut chips (whichever comes first), step out of the bath. 

Step 3: Dry yourself slowly; move through to your bedroom. Try relaxing with an erotic book and if that doesn’t float your boat, why not fire up a DVD? 

Step 4: Move on to touching yourself, if you don’t feel comfortable at this point – stop, and don’t berate yourself either – this isn’t a blame game and it is important that you give yourself as much time as you need.

Repeat this exercise until you can feel yourself beginning to ‘let go’ and don’t  be disheartened; you need to hone in on your sexual awareness, making yourself feel more at home in your own body, relishing the climax when it comes and not berating yourself if it doesn’t – give yourself time.

Breaking the routine

Every experience you have throughout your life is stored in an emotional bank which you will later draw on to sidestep  hazardous potholes . Whether you opt for early-retirement, are forced to retire due to sickness or redundancy, or have been meticulously planning your exit from full-time employment for decades, it is impossible to predict the emotional obstacles awaiting you. 

However, regardless of your personal circumstances, the positive mindset you will need to overcome these obstacles remains the same; and the self-belief you need to know that you are entitled to be happy, healthy,  attractive and loved is also – you guessed it – the same. 

A perfect quote to sum this up:

“Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experience.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson  

You may find that following the advice on having a great sex-life and boosting your health in retirement through focusing on ‘that magic three’ becomes impossibly difficult because of the stresses surrounding the lead up to retirement, the actual process of leaving work and adapting your own lifestyle and your relationship to these changes. 

After selling my business I did a great job of staying positive for about twenty minutes, before remembering that there was still five days to go before the dreaded event; the night that confirms that you did actually retire, and it wasn’t all just a strange and terrifying dream: the retirement party.

Dating and the Digital Age

Singledom is increasingly prevalent among Baby Boomers where the divorce rate is soaring faster than a banker’s blood pressure. But there are a few undeniable perks of single-life, namely: freedom, peace and quiet, financial savings and not having to worry about your partner no longer finding you attractive. Many retirees who found love in later-life told me they felt stunted by a fear of failure or an inability to let go of the emotional baggage from a previous relationship. 

If your relationship ended shortly after hitting retirement, or you have been affected by the loss of a spouse, you will need time to heal; exactly how long is entirely down to you. You may have friends trying to ‘help’ by trying to set you up with friends or encouraging you to meet new people – but don’t rush yourself, wait until you are ready. In the wise words of modern sage and lead-singer of The Supremes, Diana Ross: “you can’t hurry love/no, you just have to wait.”

“Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night?” – Jerry Seinfeld.

My wife first knew me as young and skinny Larry moving into slightly older fatter Larry right through to jobless fat Larry and now – I might add – a slightly thinner Larry, with a mysteriously thicker head of hair. The journey you take together as a couple means that you let your defences down gradually over the years. It is natural to feel vulnerable both physically and emotionally after deciding to get back into dating. There is no shame in admitting this to yourself, or to your date; just don’t make it the sole subject of conversation otherwise you won’t have to worry about things going any further. 

One woman I know pulled down her blouse and said “if you can stand this then fine” – an unconventional, risqué and somewhat disturbing tactic, but it got things off to a flying start as you might expect. They ended up dating for a couple of months – not that I’m advocating flashing as an acceptable way to attract a prospective partner. Just don’t rule it out. 

REMEMBER: Although memories make you who you are, your past shouldn’t define your attitude in the present – don’t let guilt or fear get in the way of your future happiness.